Happy Thanksgiving! We here at Damn Heroes want to wish you all a wonderful Nap-On-The-Couch-And-Watch-Football-And-Fight-Strangers-At-The-Mall/Target/Walmart-And-Argue-With-Relative-We-See-Once-A-Year Day! May it be everything you hoped it would be and more!

-Mark “Just exhausted thinking about it”


What they don’t want you to know is that the pardoned turkeys are really deep-cover CIA agents who’ve been disavowed but have successfully guessed the exact number of jelly beans hidden inside the secret vault hidden at the top of the Washington Monument and have earned their freedom and a new identity.

-Alex “Wears a Tin-foil Top Hat”


Someone’s been drinking too much of the gravy…

-Mark “Leggo my mashed potatoes”